a questionnaire

In the beginning of July I will go to a training course as a participant. A nice way to end this season. Just following the programme and be happy! well and of course learning a lot.... They mailed all the participants a questionnaire to be send to the team. Questions about what you need, want.... your challenges, your achievements, your questions, the person that inspired you...even your favourite song. Which is good! I always like to read these information of participants when I'm the trainer. It makes that people reflect...connect to the course and it gives for the trainers already a kind of feeling for the group. So... great idea!
But now....I have to answer all these questions!  It's horrible! An enormous identity crises opens itself in front of me. Didn't write a word yet...only have been looking at the questions....desperately...panicking...
The favourite song is probably the easiest... you just write down a song and the band. But still...is that fair towards all these other gorgeous songs and awesome bands? Anyway in the end I will probably put 'I want you' from Costello and then put in brackets 'Bandoliers' of Them Crooked Vultures and 'I should have known' from the Foo Fighters and...............
But then my most important achievement of the last year? Spend hours thinking about that question and in the end my conclusion is that I didn't achieve anything...I'm lost....it all has been meaningless....did I anyway achieve anything in my whole sad life...?
My most important question? I'm one big question-mark! I don't know nothing....
My major challenge? To get out of this deep big black frightening hole....to be able to sleep again...
The person that inspired me? Please give me one! I need someone to lean on!

If I have in the past send you a questionnaire like this....I'm sorry.... please forgive me...
Anyway...definitely more in need of a training course than ever....

professional

Just found out this morning that since 3 weeks I'm brushing my teeth with professional toothpaste. It's just written there...but I never read it. My first worry was if I am professional enough then to use it. Do I have the needed competences? But it was my dentist who said I should use it and she is professional. She has a lot of certificates on her wall. She also makes long phone-calls when working with her machines in my mouth which then again maybe is less professional but then I always just look at her impressive wall for reassurance.
I was there to have my teeth checked and cleaned, both with good results. But then on the end she started to write prescriptions for toothpaste and special mouth wash fluid stuff. She never did that before. One thing she made clear: I had to get it at the pharmacy at the other side of the street. I pointed out that this was a pharmacy for animals but then she explained that since a week this was a new pharmacy owned by her husband. Although this then again sounded not really professional I decided to support the family initiative and took my prescription to her husband who was already waiting for me because his wife informed him about my visit by phone. He was very proud of the new shop and showed me around. And to be honest: it looked good..I would say even professional. The price for the toothpaste and the fluid was 13.60 but I only had to pay 11.00. Not sure if that is professional but we know each other for some years so...
In our village we have this kind of system with prices: the professional price and the price for locals. The last one being lower. I pay 5 euro for my pizza at the pizzeria round the corner where others pay 6. But a very professional pizzeria! The place if crowded with all the evidence of prices they won all over Italy for the best pizza. Their name is 'Number One', although they cannot really pronounce that. Their pizza is anyway delicious!
In my Italian identity card it says I'm an 'educatore'. They gave me that because I didn't want them to write insegnante (teacher). But I don't have any proof for that. Not any certificate says that I'm an educator. The same goes for 'trainer'. I just tell everybody I am one but it's just an invention. Never took any examination. I just do it. Professionally? Well...anyway with professional cleaned teeth!!

german trains

I've been spending altogether about 12 hours in German fast trains the last week. 2 hours in first class! Was very excited about that...costed only a few euro's more. High expectations but to be honest it was a bit disappointing.  I had to share the compartment with a groups of 6 ladies who brought plastic boxes with their smelly lunch served on plastic plates with tea in plastic cups. The odors of egg and tunafish were all over the place and took away my 1st class feeling. They were quite loud (the ladies, not the tunafish) and I regretted that I understand German. You just don't want to follow all these conversations but I had no choice. At a certain moment the conversation turned to Dominique Strauss-Kahn. According to one of the ladies we don't want to know all these things...these details...it's disgusting! But then an other of them stated that it was very good having all this publicity. It would be teaching men not to just jump on every woman when they feel the need. When pronouncing the last sentence her eyes glanced at me! I was shocked. What can you do? Looking back now I should have stood up and address the whole compartment  delivering a speech stating that I never have been just jumping on women... that I know a lot of men who never do that... and that this was an unjust insult. But I didn't. I just was sitting there...being shocked. Well... and hoping that there would be cucumber in their salad. (at that day you still could get sick from cucumbers)